Works in Progress: Me & my Quilts

My muddled thoughts aren’t easily translated into clear words. But I’m a work in progress, I know that. And I’m okay with that. Mostly. I’m learning more every day — about myself, about a lot of things.

In the “Game of Tag” I posted this morning, there was a question in the original game that I deleted, “If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?”

I sat, and I thought, and then I deleted the question. I couldn’t answer it. And  05inprogressI was troubled by that. Why couldn’t I answer it? So I sat and pondered. Surely that should be an easy question to answer.

And yeah, it would have been easy to choose something physical  – to change my weight or height or make my hair really red so I wouldn’t have to color it. It really would have been easy to answer the question with something I would change from my past, a bad choice with a bad person, place or thing.

But I felt the spirit of the question was a bit deeper than that. And, like the person offered three wishes by the Genie, I believed I had best think long and hard before I answered the question. “Be careful what you pray for…” as the saying goes.

Every time I thought of something I’d like to change about myself, my very next thought was either “Well, I could actually do that, I just have to work on it,” or “That’s really not realistic,” or “Would that really make me happier??”

So, instead of answering the question, I deleted it and replaced it with “What smell makes you smile?”  That’s me, replace substance with a silly comment when the truth too much to handle.

pentecost_4-1Then later, I was reviewing “The Icon of the Descent of the Holy Spirit” section in Behold the Beauty of the Lord by Henri J.M. Nouwen, where I read:

“Being a Christian is not a solitary affair. Nevertheless, we often think about the spiritual life in highly individualistic terms. We are trained to have our own ideas, speak our own minds, and follow our own ways. European and American education places so much emphasis on the development of an independent personality that we have come to view other people more as potential advisors, guides, and friends on the road to self-fulfillment than as fellow members of a community of faith.

“In the intimacy of my relationship with God I still find myself thinking more about my faith, my hope, and my love than about our faith, our hope, and our love. I worry about my individual prayer life, I speculate about my future as an educated man, and I reflect on how much good I have done or will do for others. In all of this, it is my individual spiritual life that receives most of the attention.”

Ah! Me, me, me! And that’s when it came to me, I want less ME and more COMMUNITY. And, of course, the problem isn’t that I don’t have the community, it’s that I don’t always feel it as being there — even though it is. It is always there. Just like God is always there – beside us, behind us, within us, all around us – even when we don’t feel Him there, He is, nevertheless, there.

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~ by Kimberly Mason on May 5, 2009.

One Response to “Works in Progress: Me & my Quilts”

  1. He is, and I smell strawberries.

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